November 2011
23 posts
“I just tried putting on a dress. I can’t do it, everyone will just have to...”
– thanksgiving problems in jersey
teeth and skin, two things i can do without
“today I thought about how shitty it would be if zits were like your skin trying to grow teeth…”
thanks for the nightmare.
she's funny
worstfuckingideas:
cashier: wow this little thing is $15??? me: …who hired you?
“I hope I get shot at work so I can go home.”
– Lyly
dutch-ovening the dog. it’s a slow evening.
H: She's gotta be cold, she's fifty thousand years old.
L: Yea, no fur left on that ol' hag
H: Juuuuust stubble.
L: "This doesn't feel like a cat, more like a lizard." - anybody petting ollie
H: please put that on your blog right now. thank god for that blog.
lolololol
B: once i get the heat going it won't be as dire a situation
L: dire..? the eighteen hundreds called, they want their words back. lol that was funny
2 tags
“dudes always have the upper hand ‘cause they wear the dicks in the...”
– H
3 tags
“You can’t get raped in two blocks.”
– L
1 tag
department stores
H: Uh, have you ever been to Kohls? my grandma insisted i go... I hate it obviously.. sucks so much. my life is completely stupid right now in this moment.
L: that is my least favorite store. for sure. like mervyns.
H: OK found socks with cats on them.. not a total loss i guess.
L: I swear i cream myself every time you text me.
3 tags
different kinds of racism
- i wrote in the card, i just feel guilty for being white all the time. like i just want to tell everyone “i’m sorry, i’d change this if i could”
- you can. it’s called blackface.
_____________________________________
L: shutup!
C: You shuddup! Germans; so angry.
L: only when provoked. like the jews did. Oops sorry.
C: Fucken jews, too right! Oy this and oy that!...
1 tag
“They made a Ramstein playlist for me at work today”
– your mom. no, jk, jk.
3 tags
what to do with food when you have to move.
L: what do you do with the things in your fridge? What about the condiments?
H: And of course im taking care of the butter right now. Butter wont be an issue in the move.
H: Butter doesn’t fill you up but it does make you sick.
H____ really doesn't like the font.
“Great Font. Totally good pick on the font.”
“Who did they consult for this font? It’s for tenth graders”
1 tag
on warriors
- How come you like warriors so much?
- usually if somebody would be like “oh hi, I’m in the army, i like war” i would just be like “great, i hope you like vomit too, because here she goes”.
- I just assume that they fight with broadswords in this war, that’s where my boner comes from
2 tags
true story.
it’s good to call your crunch a crop.
1 tag
went to the mall...
something funny happened today. i was at the mall buying pleather shorts and combat boots (obviously) and i went to the bathroom and realized: surprise period! so i thought i was alone in there and go “bitch, you gonn’ play me like that?” to my vag. well is wasn’t alone in there. this latina gave me a real nasty look when i came out. whateva! yall dont know me!
on sex, and how nobody wants to have it.
1: it’s like he thought we had sex last night because i like sex. but we only had sex because i was drunk enough to endure it.
2: Hahaha. no kidding. i literally have gotten drunk recently and still been like, "no this isn't going to cut it for me. i want no sex with no body.
1: its such a dumb invention, oh let me stick this part of my body in that hole in your body...
2: stupidest, and should just be called "rape" at all times.
2 tags
“She probably is realizing dudes have carrots between their legs.”
